Stupid Breeder Letters

(or the gene pool needs a dose of chlorine)

Weekly we get letters and phone calls from people interested in a Malamute or wanting to breed to one.  Most of these people are naive but nice.  Nothing wrong with that. Then there's a few that you wonder - what WERE you thinking? 

When you write a breeder wanting a dog, there are a couple of things to remember - they want to know something about you (would YOU give something you really value to just anyone?).  I don't want this to come off as arrogant - that's not my intention.  My intention is to suggest how to write a breeder when you'd like a puppy.   Here's an example of a bad email:

Do you have any puppies?  How much do they cost? Fred

When I get something like this before I even correspond further I know a couple of things about Fred.  He's not very forthcoming about himself, and he's looking for cheap.  Quality isn't important to Fred - he just wants a disposable puppy that if it doesn't work out, he can dump it at the animal shelter and start over.  Would I write Fred back?  Probably not (unless it's to mess with him a little -  ;-).

I have 2 children and live in the suburbs with a fenced yard.  My previous Malamute, a spayed shelte died of old age and was my 5 year olds best friend.   I don't know if we are ready for another dog yet, but am researching information about your breed.  Would you mind if I called some time to get some answers to my questions.  John

This tells me John is a decent guy - he loved his previous dog and she lived a long time (so was probably taken care of well).  He's a responsible Malamute owner. I know something about him (kids, house, yard) and he's not in a big hurry.  Price is not his ony priority, he understands not everything cheap value.  He wants to talk personally, but also doesn't want to waste our time.  I would gladly talk to John.

When you ask for stud service - consider if your bitch is worthy of the breed and has had all the health clearances first.  No one cares if she's really sweet or you love her very much - well, yes we care - but that's not something you use to determine if she should be bred. Study your pedigrees and determine what you think this breeding may produce.  We rarely have a stud that's available to outside dogs ourselves, but even if we did, we'd be very concerned about the quality of the bitch he was bred to.  Nobody wants their name on something they can't be proud of.

Which brings us to:

Dear Sirs,
we are a family in ****.
We are exploring the opportunity to start a breeding plan with giant malamutes.
We already have two malamutes of a different kind and a male giant from *****.
We noticed that here in Italy and in Europe there are no giants, so we are looking for a partnership to start this business.
We are considering some offers. For example: three puppies (two females and one male of different DNA) from your kennel, where we pay for travel expenses (from your country to ours), exchanging with free advertisement of your kennel to Italian breeders, show contests, malamute meetings and private people and ... when the puppies will be ready to breed a percentage for every sold puppy.
Let us know
Best regards,

Oh yes, I'd want one of my dogs in a brand-spankin' new puppy mill!  I like how they want to make sure the DNA is different...like that makes any difference when you're a puppy mill!  Considering offers? From whom?  (nobody responsible obviously) And my payment? advertisement to MORE puppy mills!  Man, I am IMPRESSED...at the audacity and nerve.  I LOVE this breed and especially my puppies...you'll get one over my dead body! OMG

And my very favorite...this is a letter received in response to this page. She has some good points (I can be quite sarcastic at times), but she also proves another point....

I am really taken aback after reading your "Stupid Breeder Letters" page. I would not consider you as a potential breeder that I would buy dogs from - solely on the fact that your one page is negative and arrogant to your potential customers!
"or the gene pool needs a dose of chlorine"
"you'll get one over my dead body!"
"....I guess it's ok to be delusional...."
"the only information I can recommend is neuter your dog!"
I think your page is a slap in the face to potential customers as you post email correspondence online and belittle the customers (only when it amuses you). Maybe it is your American humour (but it is not funny to others).
Your dogs look beautiful, and I am sure you are a good breeder that cares for your dogs; however, I would suggest editing your page to attract future customers - not turn them away.
ie: complete list of information to include in a letter/email for serious inquiries.

Candice

Candice, I appreciate your viewpoint and yes, some of that was meant to be humor for people that have a sense of humor ...however, I'm not here to SELL puppies and "attract future customers", I'd much rather educate people to what malamutes are really like and have them get a dog elsewhere if they are this ignorant. Unfortunately, some people are just too far gone to be educated and somehow think it's all about making yourself look good and selling puppies. It's not. Unfortunately, your rude and cranky email did not set well with me because like the other people on this page - you don't get it. If you are going to contact a breeder - be nice! We are looking for someone we trust and can be friends with for the long haul. Someone I would trust with my most precious possession! I'm not looking for "customers" but for fantastic long term friends that would be a great home for any puppies I may have that I'm not keeping. Long term friends that understand my sometimes sarcastic sense of humor (OMG I'm so bad). There is contact information here. Apparently you missed it, but don't bother writing as you're not the kind of home I'm looking for. As for your very last suggestion - it's good. But unfortunately the "complete list of information" depends on the home. I'm looking for homes which can be as varied as the people on this earth because each puppy is as unique as a snowflake. Just because you fulfill some nebulous "list" doesn't mean you're a good home, or that a particular puppy will fit well into that home.

So what's my point? From a breeder's perspective, that puppy is a member of my family that I have or will love dearly by the time it goes to it's new home.  I better like you - a LOT.  I better trust you.  Same goes for someone looking for stud service but they also have the added burden of making sure their dog is healthy, of good lines, and can prove it - if you expect to even be considered.    If you have questions for me, no problem, I'd love to answer them - but you're not doing me any favors by "taking a puppy off my hands" or interrogating me with the latest "10 questions to ask every breeder" you read somewhere (especially when you have no idea WHY you're asking them).  I'd just as soon keep them all than put them in a home like those because I know once the novelty of a new puppy wore off, and it became the big, hairy, bunny killer the breed is known to be they would be tired of it and I'd get it back (actually I'd demand it back!).   So....moral of story....as dog breeders we put a lot of ourselves in every litter and expect you to put just as much of yourself into raising that precious puppy....anything less? Go away.

Ok, now that I've explained what breeders expect from you I'm going to share with you all the fun and sometimes strange email we get as breeders of Malamute dogs. Some are downright weird, but someone has to do it.... Identities have been concealed to protect the innocent...

pup

pup

Good afternoon! I have a wolf/red bone hound mix that I would like to breed with a Malamute. I'm hoping to receive some information on where to begin. My husband and I would appreciate any ideas that you may have. He is such a great dog and we would love to have a litter of puppies. I have attached a couple pictures of him.

(this is the dog - just so much wolf in there - looks like a lab mix to me...and what would they be? wolmute bone hounds? - WHY would anyone think we'd want to muddy up the lines we've worked so hard to improve by breeding to a mix?  The only information I can recommend is neuter your dog!)

pup

My name is Alexandr, and I am representing the Moscow-based Alaskan Malamute Breeder "Fogel LTD".

Right now we are looking forward to the purchase of up to 20 puppies
(14 (13) Females and 6 (7) Males).

We are interested in: Alaskan Malamutes
AGE: 16 weeks - 4 years.
COLOR: I have attached a number of pictures representing the range of colors we are looking for.

These puppies should be shipped to Moscow (any airport) in the appropriate kennels and with the full veterinary certification via the respected air-carrier.

So, would you please be so kind to send the detailed pictures and price (with the shipping quote to Moscow) of all available puppies.
The shipping costs and estimates are really very helpful. We can pay with the wire transfer from the respected US bank, money order or Visa/MasterCard through the PayPal.  Thanks a lot and have a wonderful day, Alex.

(Yeah, right......is this a new take on the "Nigeria" emails?)

pup

Im interested in a couple of puppies for June. This dates because I know that the puppies would need cares and sharing and on thoese days I would finish my master degree.

If you have some question plese let me know

(You'd think, with a "Master Degree", he could spell (thoese, plese, Im) ...at least in my world)

pup

I am a very proud owner of a Giant Alaskan Malamute whom has just turned 15 months old. My wife, and I are now looking for a second Gentle Giant. His bloodlines are from the *** and *** lines. To our knowledge, his litter was the first ever between the two bloodlines. We live in a very rural section of *** with over 8 acres of wooded land with a 30 mile logging road running thru it. We have seriously begun contacting breeders throughout the US in the hopes of finding a mate for our boy. We would very much like to find a female so we can breed him only once or twice. I believe that our boy and his upcoming mate, should breed once, perhaps twice at the very most.

I have contacted several other breeders and am awaiting their reply. I hope to find a female Giant before summers end so that she can adapt to our winter environment before she is 9 months old. >

Ok, talked to this guy and in spite of the fact he was ignorant about the breed on many levels and didn't know that Giants are not correct.  He wants to breed so his dogs can have the "experience" (whatever that means).  His lines were from some well known puppymills and were not as "rare" as he thought. He also thought the dog could roam free on the 8 acres and the 30 mile logging road and would somehow be OK (just thinking how fast the logging trucks go down these roads...).  His intention was also to breed the girl he hoped to get at 9 months of age - he had never heard of health clearances or  why you don't breed a dog that young.  This guy was hopeless and knew it all.  Sometimes you just want to pound your head against the wall...best irony of all - he'd read this website before we talked and still thought I'd give him a puppy....I guess it's ok to be delusional....