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Chuck Norris 2012 Wall Calendar

Chuck Norris Wall Calendar Action star Chuck Norris is a man of few words. But the ones we imagine he utters, along with that steely glare, have encouraged ChuckNorrisFacts.com, the highly popular, quite unofficial and nowhere near accurate website that’s spawned these witty spoofs.  Theodore used this Calendar for paper training as a puppy - he's THAT cool.



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Why Theodore is Tougher than Chuck Norris

In a breaking news story...Theodore has endorsed Donald Trump for President.  He gives 2 reasons...."he has a beloved dog which is cool, but also he's almost as tough as I am" says the canine Chuck Norris.

Theodore is Mr. Confidence.  He's also tough in a sweet way (you didn't hear me say that!)  He is sure he is wonderful and larger than life and nobody has told him otherwise. Like many malamutes he is completely full of himself and not afraid of anything.  Ever since he was forced to wear an eCollar for tail surgery, he has decided he must be awesome.  While some dogs call it the eCollar of shame...Theodore considered it the eCollar of Ultimate Coolness. I must be one awesome guy to be the only one to have an eCollar since no one else does! He strutted around arrogantly like the Old Spice Guy and Chuck Norris rolled into one.  Since the eCollar Max has decided Theo is too arrogant and they've even gotten into a couple of fights.  Even though Max is quite a bit larger, Theodore is not intimidated at all, in fact, now when Theodore comes in the door, he struts in, puts his neck up as if to say "hold me back, I may have to kill him" and then confidently allows us to escort him to his crate.  Too funny! 

...So one day we jokingly compared Theo to Chuck Norris, and soon discovered Chuck Norris has nothing on Theodore...

  • Chuck Norris sits around the campfire and tells Theodore stories.
  • Theodore has a street named after him, and Chuck Norris is afraid to cross it.
  • When you throw a toy for Theodore, Chuck Norris retrieves it.
  • Theodore doesn't need to go to outer space, Chuck Norris goes there for him.
  • Chuck Norris leaves milk & cookies out on Christmas for Theodore to appease him.
  • When Theodore lifts his leg, Chuck Norris pees in submission.
  • Chuck Norris grew a beard at 18 seconds, Theodore was born with one.
  • Theodore auditioned for a Star Wars movie...as the force.
  • When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Theodore.
  • When Theodore wants to come in from outdoors, Chuck Norris is allowed to call him.
  • If Superman and Chuck Norris were to race to the end of the yard, they'd find Theodore waiting for them.
  • Chuck Norris invented water - Theodore invented walking on it.
  • Theodore can find Chuck Norris in a haystack.
  • Theodore chews steel bones with Chuck Norris' name on them.
  • Chuck Norris caught the Gingerbread man and Theodore ate them both.
  • No matter how fast Chuck Norris can run, Theodore always walks faster.
  • Theodore runs until the treadmill gets tired.
  • We put a picture of Theodore on the door, now burglars bring us stuff.
  • When Superman goes to bed he wears Chuck Norris pajamas.When Chuck Norris goes to bed he wears Theodore pajamas.
  • The climate requires Theodore's permission to change.
  • Theodore sleeps with both eyes open (proof below!)
  • Chuck Norris makes the cows come home, so Theodore can have beef bones.
  • The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way, the Parthenon was in Theodore's.
  • Chuck Norris uses' Theodore's slobber for cologne.
  • Theodore can make a ball roll uphill, in fact, he's made Chuck Norris roll uphill.
  • Theodore once thought he was wrong, however he was mistaken. Chuck Norris was wrong.
  • chucknorris@theodore.com
  • The reason Batman only comes out at night is because he might meet up with Chuck Norris in the morning and Theodore the rest of the day.
  • Theodore taught Chuck Norris everything he knows about girls and being tough.
  • Theodore doesn't use a crate, that's a plasma force field he creates in his space.
  • When we want a fireplace fire, we just ask Theodore to rub 2 paws together.
  • Eminem met Theodore, and ran crying to Chuck Norris.
  • Theodore always talks about Fightclub and doesn't care.
  • Stonehenge was made by Theodore, with his leftover chewys.
  • Theodore has been through the eye of a needle, and back.
  • Chuck Norris can pee into gale force winds. Theodore taught him how.
  • Chuck Norris got his power when Theodore let him stroke his head.
  • Theodore is so hard, he chews on Chuck Norris for a stress ball.
  • Theodore won a staring contest with Superman, with his eyes closed.
  • Squirrels are called Squirrels because Theodore didn't want to call them Chuck Norris'
  • Dinosaurs became extinct because Theodore got to them before Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can watch an hour animal planet show in a half hour, it takes Theodore 15 minutes and the station omits commercials.
  • Theodore walks Chuck Norris on a leash.
  • Chuck Norris has to hunt for deer, the deer compete to offer themselves to Theodore.
  • Theodore uses battery acid to spice up his kibble.
  • Theodore jumped off a tailgate, and landed, effortlessly.
  • Theodore could be Darth Vader or Chuck Norris' father.
  • The thunder you hear is Theodore growling, but he rarely needs to.
  • Theodore doesn't need a list, he always knows what to do.
  • Chuck Norris bites the bullet, Theodore bites Chuck Norris.
  • Theodore can howl in 14 different languages with 326 species.
  • Theodore can weight pull a semi, with Chuck Norris sitting in it, backwards.
  • In the movie Lethal Weapon, they were going to name the hero Theodore, but changed it to Riggs because it was too frightening.
  • The great pyramids were originally intended to be Theodore's' doghouse, but they weren't big enough.
  • Theodore can make a squeaky toy bleed.
  • Chuck Norris beams Scotty up, Theodore beams the entire fleet up.
  • Theodore doesn't have Twitter because he's already following you.
  • Chuck Norris pities Mr. T, Theodore pities Chuck Norris.
  • Some people call in bomb threats, Theodore calls in himself threats and Chuck Norris leaves the building.
  • Visa and Mastercard accept Theodore, and he gives them the credit limit.
  • Theodore can sleep while awake (see photo if you don't believe me).
  • Theodore's anger and rage at puppy mills is the reason for global warming.
  • Chuck Norris let the dogs out, Theodore let Chuck Norris out.
  • Theodore once had a boomerang and it was afraid to come back. He also had a squeaky toy that was afraid to squeak.
  • Theodore has Jessie's Girl, he stole her from Chuck Norris.
  • Theodore uses Chuck Norris as a pillow pet, when he's washing his live polar bear.
  • Every restaurant has a drive through when you go out with Theodore.
  • Theodore doesn't have life insurance, the insurance companies pay him to spare their lives.
  • Climbing Mt. Everest is a daily walk for Chuck Norris, Theodore guides him up and back, with his eyes closed.
  • Mayhem went to All State for protection from Chuck Norris, Theodore protects Chuck Norris.
  • Theodore never moves, the ground moves around him.
  • Chuck Norris signed the Declaration of Independence, but Theodore wrote it.
  • Theodore can in fact, dig to China, and back, in an hour.
  • Santa sits in Theodore's lap.
  • Theodore doesn't follow fashion trends, he makes them, he LIKES short tails, got a problem with that?
  • Salmon swim upstream, because Theodore is downstream.
  • When Theodore wants an egg, he cracks open a Chicken.
  • Chuck Norris can clap with only one hand, but Theodore can clap without hands.
  • If you floss your teeth with a Theodore hair, you'll scratch the enamel.
  • Genies pet Theodore and he grants them 3 wishes.
  • Theodore has an eCollar...that makes him infinitely cool...Chuck Norris doesn't even have an ecollar.

And during the current presidental race note that Chuck Norris endorses Newt Gingrich, but Theodore refuses to endose a flashy small salamander (Newt), and endorses Ron Paul.

Actually is a real sweety and is so confident he doesn't want to fight with anyone and likes all other dogs that like him...they start it though, and he'll finish it.  Chuck Norris isn't a pushover...and neither is Theodore.

  

                                      The eCollar that started it all and gave Theo his superpowers...

 

 

 Sleeping with his eyes open...yes, he actually sleeps like this.  Be afraid Chuck!

 

 


What is Chuck Norris problem with the Periodic Table? “Because he only recognizes the element of surprise”. 
Chuck Norris may wear the Tshirt, but Theodore ATE it.

In case you haven't seen the Old Spice Commercial ...                or Chuck Norris... (actor with a tough, larger than life persona)