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You might own a Malamute if....

(with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy!)
  • You look the wrong way or stand up and that signals the start of the race to the back door.
  • A chip bag crackles and suddenly there is a huge dog in your lap.
  • Your TV is always tuned to Animal Planet for the National Geographic specials on wolves.
  • You feel like the doorman at the Ritz Carlton every time the temperature drops 10 degrees.
  • You don't bother with fake snow at Christmas - the house is a winter wonderland year round and you vacumned 5 minutes ago.
  • Your the top third of your Christmas tree is the only part decorated and it's tied to the wall.
  • It's been years since you've been in the bathroom alone.
  • You always check dogbreath before you accept kisses.
  • Your backyard resembles a pock-marked cratered moon landing site.
  • You are greeted at the door and gifted with a petrified mouse, a large frozen turd or a squirrel tail (minus remaining squirrel).
  • If you can identify every dog by his Woo from another room. (multiple mals)
  • You consider dog hair in your food a condiment.
  • You have child safety locks on cupboards and doors - and you don't have children.
  • You have a collection of canine and lupine nicknacks in your home that rivals the Smithsonian.
  • You don't own an alarm clock because the dog is more accurate.
  • You put 3x the amount you plan to snack on in the bowl so you can share.
  • Your toilet paper sits on a shelf, and it's a guest faux paux to put it back on the roll.
  • You have a revolving credit account at Home Depot, and the manager welcomes you personally.
  • You host unplanned equestrian events in your living room.
  • Food that's dropped on the floor does not require pickup unless it's chicken bones.
  • The dog provides the dishwasher prewash cycle. 
  • You buy a vehicle based on the interior upholstery color.
  • You mop daily, vacumn hourly, and have a holster on your hip for the dustbuster.
  • Hitting a deer on the highway is cause for celebration even if it totals the SUV - chewies tonight!
  • Night refrigerator raids or bathroom trips require care not to step on the live rug in the doorway.
  • You never have cold feet because there's room under your desk.
  • Starving children making appeals on TV don't faze you, you're used to ignoring starving looks and pleading eyes.
  • Your veterinarian owns a Ferrari and sends you an expensive gift basket at Christmas. 
  • The house is littered with hundreds of gutted, limp toys and crushed, flattened tennis balls.
  • You own a half dozen vacumns in various degrees of repair  because none survive more than a year.
  • Visitors to your home wearing black are automatically handed a lint roller.
  • You have a designated toilet as the dog's water bowl.
  • Burglers never bother your house - mainly because they can't force the door open for the large dog on the other side sleeping.

~ INTERESTED IN ADOPTING AN ALASKAN MALAMUTE? ~

Courtesy of Alaskan Malamute Re-homing Aid - Australia - Please support their efforts here!

  • A fully fenced, escape proof yard is mandatory.
  • It is recommended to be no be more than 1 dog already to a household. If so, NOT the same sex. Malamutes are VERY people friendly but often dog, especially same-sex aggressive. There are ALWAYS exceptions. 
  • Have you, as an adult, owned and trained a dog? Malamutes are very intelligent but VERY strong, independent and stubborn. If you want a dog to obey EVERY time, then this breed is NOT for you!
  • If you want a guard dog…this breed is definitely NOT for you, The only thing they will guard is food and their own possessions!
  • If you have not owned a Malamute before, you must research the breed thoroughly as they are high-maintenance dogs requiring frequent grooming, ongoing training and DAILY exercise.
  • Do you have the considerable time, patience and resources to commit to caring for an Alaskan Malamute?
  • If a Malamute does not receive the physical exercise and mental stimulation it needs, be aware it may destroy your home and yard.
  • Malamutes need a very firm, but patient, hand. Motivational training is required. You must have the patience and stamina to repeatedly engage in contests of willpower with a large, powerful animal without becoming angry and NEVER abusive or aggressive with the dog.
  • Are you prepared to involve the dog in family activities, allowing them plenty of time inside as well as outside? They do NOT cope well on their own as they are “people” dogs that require a LOT of attention.
  • You must not have a problem with copious amounts of dog hair, nor even blizzards of it when they “blow” their coat twice annually..
  • Do you have the time to brush a Malamute at LEAST once a week or if a  long-coated or thick Woolly…every day? 
  • Malamutes generally have little to no doggy odour if cared for properly.
  • Will you be able to bathe (and dry, to prevent risk of ‘hot spots’) the dog  every 3 months minimum, including regular nail trimming or grinding?
  • Overfeeding a dog can increase risk of lymphoma, kidney disease, heart failure and above all, hip dysplasia? Food is not a substitute for love, exercise or attention!
  • Can you afford to pay for any reasonable veterinary care the dog will require on an annual basis or in event of an emergency?
  • Although Mals are often great with and love kids, understand they can also be far too boisterous and difficult for young children to handle and the more children you have, the greater the risk of accidental injury.