Return to Menu

You support this site when purchasing from our advertisers.
Scroll to see more products with < >.




Bookmark and Share
RSS 
 

 



 

If they were human...who would they be?

We're always told a dog is a dog and we shouldn't anthromorphisize them with human characteristics. However, all pet lovers sometimes see human traits in their best friends, so, just for fun, what if we they WERE human...

old Theodore the geeknew Theodore the stud

Theodore is a geeky theoretical physicist that is tougher than Chuck Norris

Theodore studied theoretical physics and the creation of the universe.  He was always trying to figure out how he fits into the world and the meaning of life.  He had a collection of pencil protectors and drank gallons water with his white castle cheeseburgers.  He drove an old Lincoln and lived in a 3 story walk up.  He loved the girls, but was  too shy to ask them out.  That all changed when he had to wear an ecollar for several weeks.  He decided that was pretty cool. In fact he became so cool he gave up playing cello.  He is no longer a pushover and the girls just adore him.  While he's still extremely sweet, he's proving geeks can be tough too...Chuck Norris tough!  The guys that previously beat him up better watch out...while he won't start a fight...he won't run from one either....

 

Kara, the Mop Queen Daredevil

Kara is a daredevil. She loves mop-riding, skydiving, base jumping, rock climbing, ice climbing and volcano surfing...she drinks red bull by the case and eats organic cheeseburgers. She lives in a tiny house on wheels because who has time for cleaning and cooking? She has been madly in love with Max since she could walk and it's unrequited love (and he doesn't even know she exists). She drives a jaguar with sports equipment piled on top. Her dream is to marry Max and get a station wagon and live in a two story house in the suburbs of Nepal with a zip line.

 

 

Netiri, Beautiful Movie Star

Netiri is a shy movie star. She is beautiful but like many stars, is insecure and lacks confidence. She drinks water and eats salads and tries to be perfect in everything she does and it's still never good enough. She always does what the producers tell her to do. Netiri doesn't drive, but lives in an ultra-modern apartment with big glass windows, and can spend hours in the bathroom.  The curtains are always drawn because she's a very private person, and her best friends are her sister and Mom. Her dream acting role is to do the scene in Psycho because it involves a shower.

 

 

Lee Loo Redneck Sweetheart

Lee Loo is a mini-Mula and she is best friends with her favorite Aunt. She's friendly, outgoing, and kind of pushy too. When she's not racing her monster truck on a muddy track or skateboarding, she's having a lite beer with the guys. She likes to hang out with Kara who dares her to bungee jump off cliffs which she'll do just for the giggles because Kara suggested it. She loves garage sales and trash picking items for her shabby-chic apartment. She enjoys digging in the dirt for a garden, and will eat just about anything, but has a sensitive stomach so no more Mexican food for this girl.  She eats burgers and her favorite beverage is Malox...could it be all the wild entertainment and excitement hanging with Kara?

 

 

Simone in Moulin Rouge

 

Simone would be a Dancer

Simone has settled down some and has moved into a run down victorian mansion she could care less about maintaining.  She used to work as an exotic dancer because she could make $1,000 in tips a week  to spend on clothes but was given a huge opportunity, and being the huge opportunist that she is, took a new job starring on Broadway.  She drinks perrier for breakfast, and drives a red Camaro which is always on empty.  She loves her fans and signs every autograph asked of her. In school she was the prom queen, but lost her crown for running with the wild crowd and mud wrestling.  She still likes to mud wrestle, but now her hobbies include bungee jumping and mountain climbing.  Her mom just sighs, and bails her out of all the trouble she gets into.  She loves her new job in the performing arts...she the star of Moulin Rouge which fits her flashy personality to a T! 

 

Moola the tomboy

 

 

Mulan would be a freckle-faced tomboy

Mulan loves to play baseball with the boys, wears braces just so she can shoot the rubber bands, eats hot dogs and fries, throws a mean left curve, wears T-shirts and jeans always covered in mud, drives a dented red corvette (really fast), and loves to party.  She has a million best friends and lives in a cluttered apartment with her tennis ball collection. As a mom she played with her kids, taught them how to play softball, and gave them nothing but the best.  Maturing, she's still the same Mulan - just better. 

 

 

Jazz Pianast

 

Jasmine would be a concert Pianist ...

 With dreams of owning a shoe store, she drinks decaffeinated coffee and nibbles on hors deurves, drives a BMW, wears basic black.  She is the quinessental MOM and expects her kids to obey unconditionally (and they always do).  She holds intimate dinner parties with a few close friends.  She is very polite and her apartment is always neat and tidy and quite formal.   Jazzy is quite complex and none of her 19 kids have yet to figure her out, and none of them play piano either, though they love her dearly and have inherited her love of shoes.

 

 

Mocha would be everyone's little sister

Everyone looks out for Mocha because she's everyone's little sister.  She doesn't make waves and gets along with everyone - watching what they do and following along. She babysits her little sisters all the time and they adore and respect her. She also likes to cuddle and help with the chores (bringing in firewood or doing dishes).  Mocha lives with her brother Superman and Mom Jasmine, drinks Kool-aid and loves eggs, and though she likes to go places in the car, she doesn't drive.  She likes to play with her brother in the tree house, dig in the sandbox, and watch Nickelodeon TV shows when she babysits the minions.  Now that she's grown up, she has naturally become a very organized nurse because she is so nurturing and sweet and makes sure the three girls are always well behaved. 

 

Superman

 

 

Superman is Mocha's Hero

and her brother.  According to his mom Jasmine, he can do no wrong which is not entirely true (but he tries).  In realty he's your average guy that becomes Superman when necessary.  In his spare time he death-defying Houdini magic tricks like breaking out of steel crates or leaping 6' fences.  He works at the New York times writing articles about injustice in the world, is kind and considerate and always looks out for his little sister.  He has a pilot's license and eats pot pies with ketchup and drinks cappuccino.  He lives at home right now, but is looking for a new apartment so he can have his girlfriends over without Mom watching him like a hawk.  He's kind of egotistical and likes having all the attention, but in a nice way.

 

 

 

Max, Heartthrob sports hero

Max would be a star sports hero...tall and athletic, and extremely strong, he loves to dribble pug eggs around the court.  He shoots, he scores! Max drives a 3/4 ton Silverado with 4 wheel drive.  He drinks milk and chews gum, and is a picky eater.  He can be sort of a jerk and has the typical teenage angst issues with his Dad, Superman and is not very trusting of strangers.  He has a BIG ego, but is generally Momma's boy underneath it all.  He has a rivalry going with Theodore and baits and challenges him constantly, but Theo could care less.  Max lives in a spartan Bachelor pad near his Mom, Pod, and is always fending off lots of girl groupies like Kara.  Kara says to say he's REALLY REALLY cute.

 

 

Chevy would've been a marathon runner

Mild mannered, sweet and loveable, Chevy was thrown a bad lot in life.  He got epilepsy young, went blind and was almost deaf.  But even that didn't stop him.  Like the special olympics athlete he was, he never gave up and kept running.  If he were human we would all benefit from his endless spirit and joy of life.  He would have lived at home taken care of and adopted by Aunt Pod, and lived a simple life of cookies and milk and playing in the back yard with Pod watching over him.  His real joy would have been running the special olympics and winning a metal for effort.  

 

 

 

Riggs would've be a Doctor

Early on, Riggs was an obedient military brat, but as an adult he found his calling in Medicine thanks to guidance from Grandpa Homer.  After rigorous training watching Medical shows on TV, he is now an MD and watches out for all the geriatric dogs.  He drove a Hummer, but moved to a nice colonial and works long hours volunteering at the nursing home.  He always gives you his opinion medical or otherwise, whether you want to hear it or not.  In his spare time he's taken up Alpine Yodeling after watching a TV show about the Swiss Alps.  

 

 

 

 

Pod would be a librarian

Shy, self-conscious and dateless, she would stay home allot and read Romance Novels longing to see the world.  She licks her lips when she's nervous and has a slight stutter. She would drive a station wagon, live in a dusty but neat old victorian house and watch the National Geographic channel on cable.    She adopted and took care of her mentally challenged nephew Chevy until he died.  She has a secret crush on Superman and likes her a lot too. 

 

Shadow's head on the body of a mafia godfather holding his pet cat

 

Shadow - the Godfather

Shadow would've been a Mafia Godfather and in his spare time played street hockey and rode a Harley Davidson and was a very handsome but scary dude. He would have lived in a gothic mansion, wore black leathers which were neatly hung in the closet and had a tattoo that said STEPHANIE.  He drank milk and liked to dine alone at fine Italian restaurants.  Many didn't know he was a softie when it came to children - he always volunteered to be chaperone for the kindergarden field trips. In later years he repented his criminal ways and had several UPS delivery guys for friends.

 

 

 

Star's head on the body of a cheerleader

 

Star would've been a blonde cheerleader

She'd drive a red Porsche, live in a sorority house,  go shopping all the time to buy preppie clothes with her many overdrawn credit cards, and would frequent McDonalds and drink Perrier.  Heaven help you if you make her mad or wanted to get into her exclusive clique - how dare you be so presumptuous! She ran a tight ship and made sure everyone knew SHE was the boss of the household.  Once her child left home, they were never welcome back, but the ones that stayed to do her bidding were groomed for greatness.

 

 

Hoover's head on the body of a chef cookingdinner

Hoover's head on the body of a surfer dude catching the big wave

Hoover - beach bum turned cook

Hoover was a good looking blonde beach bum surfer boy driving a yellow Mustang convertible. He'd live in a beach house, wear a swimsuit and whistle and flirt with all the girls, while drinking Sprite and eating cheeseburgers. In his later years he stole groceries out of the pantry and considered a new career as a chef, but it didn't pan out.  In his last year he was wheelchair bound and winked at all the cute nurses.

 

 

 

Holly's head on the body of a tennis star

 

 

As a teenager Holly would have been a pony-tailed student tennis player

on a scholarship, driving a leopard-print jeep.  But once she became a Mom, she found it was her life's calling.  She still wore skinny shirts and short shorts, drank Snapple and ate bunny flavored lean cuisines, but got rid of the jeep for a minivan so she could take the kids to soccer practice. In her old age she's still the swinging-est Grandma ever - all the grand kids love her  - visiting often for dinner (Bunny is on the menu).

 

Gracie's head on the body of a 50's carhop dressed in bright pink and a pair of rollerskates holding food

 

 

 

Gracie would be a 50's carhop...

She'd drove a hot pink car with fins, lived in an art deco house in the suburbs, ate popcorn at the Drive In with her boyfriend on Saturday night and drank root beer Fizzies. She was very friendly to the customers and got great tips. She was very jealous of her boyfriends wives...and never could understand how someone wouldn't want a full-body hug that knocked them down.  In her spare time she did roller derby and was well liked.

 

 

Homer's head on the body of a police officer in a very relaxed pose

 

 

Homer would've been a retired policeman

Homer liked to watch wrestling on TV with a beer, drive a pickup truck, live in a brick ranch house, wear a uniform, and have breakfast at the local donut shop.  He was everyone's favorite Grandpa, and was particularly close to Riggs - inspiring him to have strong goals and become a doctor to the elderly. 

 

 

 

 

Nova's head on the body of a young girl executive at a business meeting

Nova would've been a Corporate CEO

Nova drives a leased luxury sedan, dabbled in art, lives in a Boston apartment and prefers jeans and a t-shirt. She was quiet and reserved, and content to be a total homebody. She'd drink Coke and get a pizza takeout from the deli, delivered to her room. 

 

 

 

Penny's head on the body of a very prim and proper teacher

 

Penny was a teacher and casserole cook

Penny would've been a teacher and film critic  drive a mini-van,  live in a condominium near a lake, wear a sensible business suit, drink coffee and snack on leftover casseroles in the fridge.  She would make you do your homework, but had a soft spot for the really young kids in her classes.  In her spare time she critiqued movies and took long luxurious naps.

 

Who would your pet be?

More...